Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
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