I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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