just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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