just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
