I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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