she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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