In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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