We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize