I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
