My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
