you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
