pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize