hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
