well you can't waste a boner
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize