I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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