This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize