I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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