wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
