I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
