we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
