If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's blow job season.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
