I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
