I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
