I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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