He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize