I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
