exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
