You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
