Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize