Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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