the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
