Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
