I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize