I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
