Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
