I will die if light touches me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
