Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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