Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
