i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he shaved USA in his pubs
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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