If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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