Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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