so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
