she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This baby is an asshole
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
