Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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