We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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