Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
