They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize