I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
