and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My dick has a subreddit
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
