Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
