I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
