There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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