i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
