dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
40s are totally the cure
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
