Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
