I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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