I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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