I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
