mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
