Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize