There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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