No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
