The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they're like a gay fantastic four
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
