she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
