Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
