i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
