you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
