What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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