Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
