I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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